Attraversiamo; Darma Z’s Blog

It’s voting day!!!

I worked out AND blogged all before 7:15 am.

This has the makings of the best day ever!

I am going to stop exclaiming (!). It might be because I promised myself a cup of coffee if I got out of bed to go workout.

Do you ever think through a really great way to address a certain behavior that has been an issue…only to have it come right around and stare you in the face…like you might have something to work on too??? I hate that. I am introspective…and receptive…and I have to learn lessons along with my kids?? Man!

Here’s what I was thinking…there is someone I see regularly (everysingleday) that might (totally does) not have a filter and things just fly out of the eating hole before they are thought through. They are always sorry. We are working on thinking BEFORE we are sorry. I was thinking about how we just never know when our last conversation might be…how when we lose someone, no matter how long we have had them, we would really like just one more chance to listen, hug, speak, you know? Now, I have a worrier, so I can’t let anyone hear, “you should talk nice, because you never know when I might die.” That’s not it…it just made me think of my grandma. I had her love and care and so so many amazing talks and letters and hugs and she was well over 90 when my dad told me over the phone that they were going to make her comfortable and she probably wouldn’t wake up. My world split in two and my heart sort of spilled on the floor, you know? So here I was planning a lesson in care for my kid and it came right back around to me. Am I showing this? Well, I think so…most of the time.

Here was what I came to for a beginning (because mornings can be icky), “good morning sugar…it is going to be such a great day. Let’s choose all of our words with care right from the start, ok? I love you.”

So far, so good.

I’ll let you know what happens when he can’t find matching socks and I’m drying my hair and THEN I have the nerve to expect him to put butter on his own waffle (we KNOW he makes a mess with the butter, but ok, if we want to deal with the mess, he will go ahead and do it).

I’m grateful for each opportunity for connection today.

Have the most amazing voting day and let your voice be heard…you have a story to tell.

DZ

I love the way things are always just as I left them when I return to my blog…just like an old friend…we can pick up right where we left off.

I was glad to see a one blog post a day challenge for the month of November. The write my novel this month challenge isn’t quite the thing right now. Visiting my blog each day? I think I can manage that (please note, I do realize it is November 3…I like to think things through and I am careful not to be a perfectionist, so of course I must begin on the 3rd, right?).

I just left my favorite month of the year. A year ago, it changed my life…the power I found in October. This year my challenge was to love each day and welcome whatever lesson might come. This doesn’t feel joyful sometimes, you know? I did it. Some days were not awesome, but I still put the heart on the day as it passed and loved the lesson and sat with the truth it left behind.

Well, November? What do you have in store for me? I cannot accept mere thankful/grateful/gratitude as I already have that practice in place. I might get somewhere with my grateful books not yet printed. Perhaps in appreciation for my gifts, this is the month where I lean in to my talents and put them to use. One or two might have been allowed to sit idle for awhile.

Yes.

What are you going to do with your November?
I’ve missed you.
DZ

You know those moments? The ones that cause you to stop and look around and remember how you got to here? Yep.
Just last night I was reading an old post from when MC was 5. We were having trouble locating his invisible boat. It made me laugh and it made me tired.
Each step of the way has been quite a lot of mountain climbing for us. Some days we hit a rough patch and slide back asswards on a slippery slope losing ground only to dust ourselves off and head back where we need to be the next day.
When you are a divorced mama with a child with challenges you (I) sort of reside in this perpetual cycle of adrenaline playing zone all by yourself being as proactive as you can while you dance and put out fires as they come. There is plenty of fun along the way too. It is just sort of an always on alert situation.
As you power through, you have less energy and space in your head for fun with friends. You are either resting from what just happened or preparing for what is up next. The way that I kept going was just not stopping much. Not connecting with friends. Not taking time for me. Not the best way to make it through.
This has improved. I have gotten better about breathing and connecting and just trying to slow down. No matter what the day brings, it is ok to stop and breathe.
Things have shifted. I don’t need to save the day as often as I used to. They are showing me again and again that we are slowly but surely getting there and I can stop with my mama warrior persona and let them do their thing…because they can.
What do I do with all my save the day energy???
I watch my MC deliver his George Washington presentation again and again to a really overstimulating room and just shine like crazy. Then I leave. I let he and his brother handle their homework all on their own…and I breathe. Their sister’s homework is already done because she is a rockstar. I get to watch basketball while they play because I can.
I make lunch plans because I know I won’t get an SOS call from a school. I knock out my work list because the snow days are over. I make art and remember everything that just brings me so much joy.
I look back and assure myself that while I can thrive and even dance in the middle of those damn storms…I’m actually just fine lounging in the serene waters too.
It’s ok to stand down. It seems Mr. Washington can take it from here.

This weather stuff cracks me up.  I grew up in Iowa.  There is a song about being stranded in Iowa.  There are letters about how awesome the snow is at first and progresses to insanity.  It is sort of like that.  So, if the cold doesn’t sting my face and the drifts aren’t up to my waist, I’m good to go. 
Snow days with my crew at the end of pneumonia recovery is interesting.  It mostly meant I didn’t get to go sledding (it is totally sledding and not at all sled riding…silly kc phrases) and I didn’t try to be very productive.  I picked a project!
My reading is all over the place.  Many genres, many books, pick up and put down a lot.  It is very haphazard but it serves me well.  I like it when authors craft their story around a token object and or a focus of information where within the narrative you actually learn quite a lot along the way.  With Secret Life of Bees it was about the beekeeping process as an aside and the black Madonna.  I was obsessed.  I did much searching and wasn’t satisfied with my findings.  In The Prayerbox by Lisa Wingate, she finds a lifetime of prayer boxes carefully decorated and filled for each year of prayers and tokens.  I knew I wanted to make a prayer box.  It seemed to coincide with my 2014 focus nicely and I hope it is the first of many.  There was stitching and painting.  It was a nice little brain break as I listened to the sledding party on the other side of the window.  I look forward to finishing it on snow day #2.

Wishing you snuggly blankets and toes warmed by the fire with good food surrounded by those who love you best.
DZ