If YOU were a chair, what chair might you be?

Posted on July 25, 2010 by attraversiamodarmaz


Some time ago I happened across this designer, Kelee Katilac (you would think Kelly Cadillac, but no) (http://www.keleekatillac.com/).
I read an article about her and how she got into her business. I was interested because I heard about her first book, House of Beliefs. It sounded interesting, and when I heard this story of hers, I knew she was a like minded individual.
She said that she was going through a time in her life when she wasn’t sure what to do and she didn’t have a lot in the way of resources…was out walking, and happened upon this old broken down chair. She said that she felt just like that chair, tossed to the side of the road…so she took the chair home and decided to fix it up…she poured her heart and soul into that chair, and when she was done, well she felt much better.
This just made sense to me…
Actually, I seem to recall the day that I read it was a hard, tired sort of day and her story made me cry. I think we all have a moment or two where we feel like a broken chair left on the roadside.
The idea of the power and joy that comes from the creative process and just pouring yourself into fixing and making beauty…I like that.
The other day I was clearing clutter in my office and I spied my grandma’s chair that she made from a tin can. She made many of these I think…she made so many different things…but this chair, I think this chair is Grandma…the beauty of her spirit and the nature of her hopes and dreams shining through.
Now, Grandma had an even dozen in her crew…I can’t imagine fancy furniture like this would have lasted long or been practical in any way. I love to think of her making them though…steady hands turning this way and snipping and tucking just so.
While I am very creative, I’m not certain I was meant to make furniture.
I like the idea of what chair might be me though…
I started to think it through here, and it began to sound like I was speaking in code, so I’ll let that go, but I wonder…if YOU were a chair…what chair would YOU be?

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BB and My Worries

Posted on July 24, 2010 by attraversiamodarmaz

I have a friend…who had a friend die recently.
Long courageous battle with cancer.
She was a mom.
It is removed from me, and still I can’t really think about it.
Hits way too close to my greatest fear.
Many mountains to climb.
Much change afoot.
Challenges before us and all that – this is life most days for most of us I think.
In the midst of this…one of my challenges is BB.
He is having a pretty tough time right now.
Many wouldn’t know it.
Through much of his day he is ok.
There are these struggles though…that give me great concern.
We are working through it…have much support and every resource he might need.
Yet…I hear about this friend of a friend and the fear nearly stops my heart.
I think I can handle anything…
but being told I’d have to leave them?
I can’t imagine worse than that.

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Here’s the thing…

Posted on July 24, 2010 by attraversiamodarmaz

I have too many books.

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The Sleep Thing…

Posted on July 23, 2010 by attraversiamodarmaz

I have said before that I have a “thing” about some things.
Sleep might be one of them…or…my bed…or something in this general category.
When I was little, the “thing” shifted.
ALWAYS sleeping under covers was a constant, because the cover is a very safe barrier from monsters and whatnot(this has not changed).
For awhile, I needed to sleep with socks on like my Grandma because my feet got cold.
Then light on, then off.
Fan on, then off.
Door open, closed.
You get the idea.
I never slept with anything – no snuggling device…until I was in high school…odd, huh?
It was an odd series of events.
I broke my collar bone when I crashed my moped at 15.
They sewed up my head and strapped my arm to me for awhile and it was a miracle I wasn’t run over.
In order to sleep comfortably, I had to put a pillow under my arm to keep my shoulder at the right angle.
My little brother got me a teddy bear either at this time or maybe for my birthday the fall after…I don’t recall.
This blue teddy bear replaced the pillow that propped my arm at the right angle.
Strikes me as funny that when I was four I did not snuggle a teddy, but in my sorority I sure did.
I was also known for my bed fussiness. My friends would snuggle in my spot just to make me cranky.
I had pillows just so and a feather bed mattress pad and oh my goodness did I hate it when I came home in the wee hours to find someone in my spot!
It does not surprise me that now, mostly grown up…my bed has a remote control so I can make it just so, with covers to keep me safe and of course the snuggling pillow.
I haven’t been very successful at keeping a certain baby of mine to love his sleeping spot more than mine:)
Of all my space invaders, I must admit he might be the only one who is cute enough to get away with it!

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A Series of Events (that collectively might seem unfortunate)

Posted on July 20, 2010 by attraversiamodarmaz

I was just contemplating my day on my evening power walk.
I was stuck on the moment prior to my walk, where I came out my front door to begin and found myself up close and personal with blades of grass all of a sudden.
It seems one of my cherished blessings left a big rock right in the middle of the sidewalk just down from the front porch. My shoes that are great for leg work are also quite tall and down I went. My cousin’s grandma always said’ “watch that first step cause it’s a doozey!” We thought this was funny because she only had two short steps. We also thought she was funny because she drove the wrong way on an exit ramp, but that is another story entirely!
My first step was indeed a doozey and I bloodied my knee, twisted my ankle, and smashed my hand knuckle first into the ground it seems. I bet this will feel nice tomorrow:) This is not the point…the point is, I was considering that to a neighbor or someone driving by, it maybe looked like I just fell out my front door…which, all alone is not such a big deal…but there were a couple other parts of my day I remembered as I walked…
Earlier in the day I was taking the kids to the movies and on the way we were going to FINALLY take all the glass recycling to the drop off. It is many months of bottles. Quite a bit from this social gathering and that…it looks like quite a party, but in fact was a long time in the making. So I loaded all these bottles in the back of my van only the parking lot was being resurfaced so they are still there and it is quite hot and now my van smells like old bottles. This is also not a big deal all by itself.
The last interesting point might be that I was finishing up making current my Kansas teaching certification by going to the local police station where they are kind enough to complete a finger print card for me in order to have a background check which is required for recertification. This was a pretty cool thing the kids thought…the officer and I had a nice visit and he said I was quite helpful in the process and it is all finished and sent off, only later today the kids shared this cool experience with my friend by telling her that they went with Mom to the police station while she got finger printed and it was pretty neat.
And her car smells like a brewery.
And she fell out her front door and bloodied her knee.
See what I mean?
Someone is probably saying a prayer for me right now.
That’s ok I guess…who can’t use a few extra prayers?

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I am a bird killer.

Posted on July 14, 2010 by attraversiamodarmaz

This post does not need a photo…further, it SHOULD NOT have a photo.
The photo where there is this lone little feather stuck to the grill of my van as my cousin takes care of the mess just isn’t required.
Jeez!
I posted once before about my horrible track record with nature.
There is no hyperlink because what fun is that? Why not search back through if you are REALLY curious? Odds are it is of little consequence, so there you go:)
I can sum it up by telling you that I have quite by accident ended the life of more than one creature…sometimes in an effort to save a little life.
It just isn’t my thing…like not having a green thumb, only a bit more socially frowned on.
I am a kind and gentle girl. Ending a life really bothers me…A LOT!
The day that damn squirrel jumped out in front of me and I had no time to swerve – lo it was a very very bad scene that played again and again in my head…thump…thump…thump…you get the idea.
Here is the horrible thing about killing a bird the other day…I didn’t even know that I did it!
The kids and I were on our way to a family gathering.
Good conversation…taking in the view…nice trip all the way around.
We arrived, got out and were standing around visiting when my cousin asked me if I realized I killed a bird.
WHAAAAT?
I look at my van, only to see a creature of flight crucified on my grill in a horrible cartoon sort of way. It was very dramatic.
Now, my dad is standing near by…my cousin suggests I might want to take care of this before the kids see…I say, “ahhhhh” and then, “Daaaaaad!”
He turns, glances at me, then at my van…and goes right on back to his visit. Seriously???
Just because I am grown does not mean in any fashion that deep down inside, a piece of his foot stomping, teenage, big shot, told you so boss of the world does’t still exist.
So, I guess, watching me look between my dad’s back and the dead bird and back again, and then hearing my mama say, “OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOO” or something like that, my wonderful cousin took pity on me and headed for the soiled Town and Country.
It was a tricky clean up to be sure…even had to pop the hood…seems the grill cut that bird directly in half, and its posterior fell into my engine…great.
My life saver was kind enough to get the bird ass out so I didn’t hear an odd sound of another unpleasant variety as we drove home.
Nothing gets by MC, so he was over in no time to check out the dead bird pieces. Super.
As we drove home I checked in with my mama and she was kind enough to let me know that the bird was not just a pesky sparrow, but some pretty flicker variety and isn’t that too bad.
yes.
It’s is really too bad…and quite a shame as well.
Sorry you flew in front of my lethal Town and Country little flicker…hope it was quick and painless.

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Umm, no.

Posted on July 7, 2010 by attraversiamodarmaz

It is not possible to choose a commando lifestyle at age 7.
no.

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Darma Z who is not I repeat not 40

Posted on July 6, 2010 by attraversiamodarmaz

But I will be…before long…just around the seasonal corner!
I am rather excited in fact.
Life is good.
40 will be even better than 25 and 25 is one of my favorite numbers ever.
I have a thing about numbers, and the name of paint colors, and moving furniture too.
I have a thing about things I guess;)
and 40?
Well the thing about 40 is that I will be finished with my current list and ready to enjoy a whole new list.
There are a few pounds to run off on the current list – for health, you know…not vanity…not at all.
I was told with the right amount of running, the right jeans purchase and bra sizing (thanks H) surgery is not even necessary:)
Ha!
Come on then!
Only 102 days until I jump into my 40s with both feet!
I will show you a picture of that jump:)

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My H

Posted on July 5, 2010 by attraversiamodarmaz

I just referenced “my H” in my last post.
After last night, I think H deserves a post all her own.
I think everyone has an H, or at least I hope you do…perhaps many at different points in your life…right when you need them.
Perhaps this is the beginning of gratitude posts about all the amazing people in my life…there are many.
I am a lucky girl surrounded in a wonderful way.
But H? Well, this is just a good story.
Ever have anyone show up out of the blue?
Right when you need them and you didn’t even know you needed them?
With so much in common and you never would have guessed?
Yep.
H showed up and walked with me through the cold.
We talked…a lot…about life and whatnot…silly stuff…food…FOOD…whatever.
She has kind of been my rememberer…helped me remember all sorts of things I love – this is the year for that.
Last night was one of my favorite rememberings – playing in the rain!!!!
I played in the rain when I was little…threw a football around with a boy I just adored in high school…rode bikes through the rain with a friend in college in a white tshirt (I know!), and now…again…I went out into the pouring rain with my H and her kids and my kids at 9:30 at night in our little place in the world who set the fireworks off anyway.
It was so fun…so so fun.
Rain just washes the pissy right away and brings this joy…pure joy.
I love water.
That is probably another post.
Thanks H.

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Holy Cow…Again!

Posted on July 5, 2010 by attraversiamodarmaz

Man! All done and THEN they ask me to log in…REALLY?
I hope this is as amazing as the first version!
A great big thank you Jesus for getting to the day after the day of many exploding things with all of my children having all of their fingers and no major injuries ( MC has a bump on his head, but other than that…)!
Time is passing so quickly!
I keep waiting for this window of time to leisurely linger over experiences and post and share each moment…doing it justice, you know? Yeah, well…not so much.
I am reduced to another “list of posts” so I don’t lose anything rolling around in the cranium. Sheesh! I hate the existence of this list…it is a very hard thing…it just knocks on my brain in a very annoying way until each and every moment in line has their spot on the blog. Damn!
This is why I often say I make stuff up. So much happens around here…when these back ups occur, how in the hell do I keep all the details straight? Shite, I might be writing about my neighbor’s kids (the neighbor will say no way – Z’s kids for sure!).
It’s all good. I am keeping track pretty effectively I think. In a flurry of DIY adventures, I do stop for before and after photos to post as well as how does my garden grow photos and such. My H says it is “nesting”. I am “expecting” I guess…just not expecting in a baby kind of way (thank you Jesus, Mary, AND Joseph!).
I have great expectations for life right now.
This is good.
All is well.
All will be well.
May you create happiness instead of seeking it and celebrate your freedom in many many ways.
Z

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