Sheer Brilliance, DarmaZ

It is a rare moment that I render myself speechless.

I like to talk.

I’ve just done it though…

Have you had this moment in time, where you stop, rewind what you just said, and think, “Really?  Did that REALLY just come out of my mouth? ”

In my particular case, it was that…followed by, “Yep, sure as hell did…not even thinking I am regretful.”

This might be the reason I am going to hell, today anyway.

Some might call it dark humor…others might attribute my words to a lack of sleep…a few would call me insensitive, but they have not read the post where I have indeed buried a baby, so I do realize the full craziness of my nutty banter with my son.

MC refuses to sleep.  He stays up…way too late, sneeks up to his dad’s office, and generally raises hell for way to long until he passes out anywhere but his bed.

Not good.

Tonight is the night…I will win if it kills me…well, almost…and my funeral is not what we talked about – so I shall not go in that direction.

He carries on and fusses and seems like he will indeed stay up all night as he claims he can.   I stop folding laundry and go in once again to sit with him in the rocking chair, which he hates, because…hmmm…let me recall his list…he is too close to me, he can’t breath, it breaks his bones, and the final one tonight, he will die.  If I rock him in this chair for one moment more he will just simply die.   I let him know that I would help him all night long, even if I had to prop my eyes open with toothpicks.  He, in turn, informed me that it would be necessary because HE could stay up all night long because he had put lunatics in his eyes.  WHAT?  Be proud of me because I did not bust out laughing even in my weary state. 

He told me again that he would surely die. 


I said…

Here is the deal, MC…

If indeed, you die, because I am rocking you…

This is what will happen…

I will sing at your funeral…

Talk about how much I love you…

And then say a prayer.

He says, “What will the prayer be?  Say it now.”

I say, “MC, I don’t know the prayer yet…I have to write it…I will write it when I am grieving your loss…this is how it works…I write to get through things see?”

He says, “So you don’t even know the prayer?”


About attraversiamodarmaz

Midwestern girl who loves big city shopping (note - do not love high heels of any kind) * hate to say that first because I fancy myself a yoga chic too who is into feng shui and a minimalist life but it's just not all true!* I do forget to recycle* LOVE reading and music and most things crafty (the idea of them - very fickle and creative urges come and go faster than light or sound)* Grand chef and baker in my own mind and kitchen - love to mix and match recipes for a glorious new concoction* Gardening would be very successful - I have a flair but short attention span can cause casualties* True bliss is my home filled with three beautiful children (four on the weekends - an amazing Goddaughter)* did forget to feed the beautiful children lunch once when they were too small to remind me* can't find socks for all on some crazy mornings* I'm a learner who just can't help it...a writer in my head, and a college instructor for a half dozen classes a year* can't help my right brain optimism* been a foster mom* am a very grateful mom of adopted children* worst life moment: leaving the E.R. with an empty baby carrier* this is me...pretty much
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