It is a rare moment that I render myself speechless.

I like to talk.

I’ve just done it though…

Have you had this moment in time, where you stop, rewind what you just said, and think, “Really?  Did that REALLY just come out of my mouth? ”

In my particular case, it was that…followed by, “Yep, sure as hell did…not even thinking I am regretful.”

This might be the reason I am going to hell, today anyway.

Some might call it dark humor…others might attribute my words to a lack of sleep…a few would call me insensitive, but they have not read the post where I have indeed buried a baby, so I do realize the full craziness of my nutty banter with my son.

MC refuses to sleep.  He stays up…way too late, sneeks up to his dad’s office, and generally raises hell for way to long until he passes out anywhere but his bed.

Not good.

Tonight is the night…I will win if it kills me…well, almost…and my funeral is not what we talked about – so I shall not go in that direction.

He carries on and fusses and seems like he will indeed stay up all night as he claims he can.   I stop folding laundry and go in once again to sit with him in the rocking chair, which he hates, because…hmmm…let me recall his list…he is too close to me, he can’t breath, it breaks his bones, and the final one tonight, he will die.  If I rock him in this chair for one moment more he will just simply die.   I let him know that I would help him all night long, even if I had to prop my eyes open with toothpicks.  He, in turn, informed me that it would be necessary because HE could stay up all night long because he had put lunatics in his eyes.  WHAT?  Be proud of me because I did not bust out laughing even in my weary state. 

He told me again that he would surely die. 

So…

I said…

Here is the deal, MC…

If indeed, you die, because I am rocking you…

This is what will happen…

I will sing at your funeral…

Talk about how much I love you…

And then say a prayer.

He says, “What will the prayer be?  Say it now.”

I say, “MC, I don’t know the prayer yet…I have to write it…I will write it when I am grieving your loss…this is how it works…I write to get through things see?”

He says, “So you don’t even know the prayer?”

Nope.