Things can sure get crazy around here.
This dance the kids do…they each have this choreographed part. They have written a part for me as well…their dad too. Mr. Z is a bit more cooperative than I because he usually steps right in to the spot they have created for him. Watching this is pretty interesting. I would like to think I pick and choose…what to do and how to respond. This is just not always true. When BB is standing on his chair at the kitchen table in his underwear for the third time…and he and I are still talking? Well, at that point it is pretty clear who is in charge…silly Darma! I am pleased to report that EVENTUALLY I hear his message and tell him so. It’s funny, after he hears that he can absolutely have my undivided attention, but it will be in the other room in our special chair, not such a fun dance anymore…go figure!
When we first decided to be foster parents and knew the boys were coming, our primary concern was do we know everything we need to know about supporting a baby who was born addicted? Of course not! That statement could easily shift to, do we know anything about babies – not really! It all worked itself out one calamity at a time, with few long-term side effects and a lot of really good stories to tell. What I find really interesting is that our worry was so misplaced. My baby who can keep me up at night with worry is MC. Day by day as his security in his spot here grew, the more he revealed. What he shared and showed was that he was an 18 month old little boy who sometimes took on the persona of a man because the ugliness of this world paid him a visit or two. Night time was terrifying. Emotions took over his entire body. The feeling of being in control was critical for a feeling of safety.
I remember within the first weeks I was having this teacher conversation with Mr. Z about how important it is to remember how little MC is, and he shouldn’t hear his name said in frustration a lot. Further, for every redirection, he should hear 15 positives. These words I said were true…really. It is a great idea. The trouble was, MC never shifted into low gear…he was just wired for boundry bouncing…and I, sadly, do lose patience. The great thing along the way that really helped was an amazing family therapist who talked a lot about the good enough theory of parenting. She reminded me that perfection is over rated (really?), and if MC did not have the 15-1 ratio each and every moment of each and every day…well, he would probably still be ok.
This journey with MC…it is just amazing. He is exhausting. He forces you to look in a mirror of truth because he will settle for nothing less and requires everything you’ve got. Of all of my classes, workshops, teaching experience, life lessons…MC is far and above my greatest teacher. He is very patient in that when there is a lesson I need to learn, he will give me many chances to get it right…it will just keep coming back;) Watching him grow and develop…seeing the sparkle in his eyes as he reads…the skin around his eyes crinkle with one of his many lively expressions…there is just nothing like it. If I were not already a deeply spiritual person, MC would bring me around. I am way too aware of all that he needs and my lack of answers. It is a moment at a time, listening and learning with a hell of a lot of prayers.
He also has this Jesus thing, but that is another story for another post.