Oh How You Settle My Nerves

Dear Target,
I am ever grateful for my shopping experience. I only started my Christmas shopping yesterday. It seems Christmas will come whether I tackle the list or not, so I might as well. Don’t get me wrong, we are all up in the spirit around here. Lights are twinkling. Music is playing. Handmade gifts for students and teachers have been shared with care. It’s just the crowds…and the stores…and that chemical smell…and carts with wiggle wheels (I always get those and I never take them back – I am NOT one to shy from adversity or a challenge in general you see). It is that commercial side of Christmas I just can’t really get into. We have enough…more than enough really. We need less…simple…connected…real, you know? But alas, I already have one challenge this season (see next post), so this is not the year to freak my kids out with totally boycotting all that doesn’t sit well with my soul…so I will shop.
You know what happens when I sit with discomfort? I revert to old self soothing habits. Chocolate? Hell no! I am in the midst of a challenge people! That is another post on the way. Drinking? Right. If you had my 10 year old, you would keep your wits about you as well. He could run a small country…right now. No, what I do is indulge. This is sort of painful…this noisy place and all of this excess, so I will cross three things off the list and reward myself with…hmmm lotion! Ok! Then I find a shirt for my daughter and I KNOW what she really loves is when we match (I’m not kidding – not even being hopeful – she really loves this), so I HAVE to get one too. You see where I am going here? Right. It is not cheap to get through something unpleasant. This is really against the grain with how things go most of the time (except for art supplies – they don’t count…that is therapy and business).
Target, thank you for hanging with me as I wander through the back story to get to our time together this morning. I’m almost caught up. All I have to add is that I was fine in a few other stores as long as I didn’t look at my watch. When I did look at the time, it was as if I felt the hour of my soul that had been sucked right out of me…true story. I guess the bright spot was the adorable clerk who told me about sales around town as she tallied my damage. She was adorable and kind and totally got away with breaking the leggings are not pants rule.
When I walked in to your red and white tranquility this morning, I knew I could start with a small chai just to begin in a lovely way. My plan was clear…wander through the list, minimize indulging, and stop for calm breathing as needed. Here is what I didn’t expect: Target had diversions built right in for me! It was awesome you guys! I’m not even kidding. It started over the employee walkie talkies. “Alert, will all employees be on the lookout for a cart leaking something. Someone is leaving a trail all over the store.” I checked my cart. It was empty so I was good to go. I was curious about who was having an issue though. Isn’t that interesting? In every other aisle I had nice visits with people restocking – they were so helpful! One did have a lingering gaze, but I am having a good hair day so I’m ok with that I guess. Next, I saw this couple arguing about which toy to get their kid. Who the hell cares? If one of them had given the other a nice big kiss to start the day, I bet they might be holding hands instead of tossing toys. What do I know? I’m happily divorced. I kept running into this other lady in and out of aisles. It became funny after about the third time. I’m fairly certain one fella had gas after I walked by…I was glad he was behind me – eeesh! It was noticeable because Target is as quiet as a library. Have you noticed this? I noticed it first when MC decided to try out a doozy of a curse loud and proud. He did not get a treat that day. The whole store stood still I swear.(but I DIDN’T swear – I did not teach him that word). Another time, he and his brother were yelling “BOOBS!!!” from their cart/cage as we passed by the bras and panties. My daughter and I were so proud. It was a teachable moment for future reference. When she and I were clarifying that she did not indeed have peanuts or nuts of any kind and actually they aren’t called nuts, it is a vagina that you’ve got there when she was maybe too old to be confused, Target helped again. I told her that maybe her brothers didn’t need to learn this word yet (she LOVED teaching them things – taught them after a week at kindergarten to NEVER put your middle finger up because it is a curse right to God – bless her heart) (awesome conversation with one of the boys teachers a few years later about how he said he wasn’t flipping the class off, he was mad at God and telling him so right there during literacy – YESS!!). I told her she could tell them if she was ok with them yelling out vagina all over Target. She looked like that wasn’t ok with her. Helpful yet again! See?
My shopping ended with a clerk with the loveliest combination of braids and pinned curls. I told her so. We were off on a nice visit about hair and boots and life and whatnot. It was much more than checking off the list today. Be that as it may, I might just let Amazon Prime work a little magic for me with the few remaining items. Getting packages is fun too – even if they are not for me!
Happy shopping to you.
May your list be small and your joy be crazy big.
Peace and love,

About attraversiamodarmaz

Midwestern girl who loves big city shopping (note - do not love high heels of any kind) * hate to say that first because I fancy myself a yoga chic too who is into feng shui and a minimalist life but it's just not all true!* I do forget to recycle* LOVE reading and music and most things crafty (the idea of them - very fickle and creative urges come and go faster than light or sound)* Grand chef and baker in my own mind and kitchen - love to mix and match recipes for a glorious new concoction* Gardening would be very successful - I have a flair but short attention span can cause casualties* True bliss is my home filled with three beautiful children (four on the weekends - an amazing Goddaughter)* did forget to feed the beautiful children lunch once when they were too small to remind me* can't find socks for all on some crazy mornings* I'm a learner who just can't help it...a writer in my head, and a college instructor for a half dozen classes a year* can't help my right brain optimism* been a foster mom* am a very grateful mom of adopted children* worst life moment: leaving the E.R. with an empty baby carrier* this is me...pretty much
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