Isn’t it funny how mamas just know the right words…right when you need to hear them?
My mama is so good like that.
We were talking about life and whatnot and she brought me right back around to so many years ago…a little remembering that suited just right. She said, “Do you remember what you told me after you visited Auntie Perry in the hospital?” Now, I was in college at the time and that was many moons ago, people. I remember exactly what I told her though. I told her that Auntie Perry told me I was such a pretty girl and for the first time in my entire life I believed those words…because it was her. She was a hard working woman and would not have been described as pretty. Her heart and her integrity and the magic of all her hands could create and nurture to grow? Well, it was just this collection of beautiful. I knew she was talking about my spirit shining through.
I seem to go in butterfly- like cycles of blooming and growing and I don’t like the dormant internal phase one bit. They do come around though. I also go through granola girl chapstick and run out the door with wet hair phases that are received in such an odd way. When my hair is wet and I am in public, people have looked at me like I forgot my clothes. It is the oddest thing. It’s just hair. It does indicate I might have been without clothes not long ago but cleanliness is a good thing, yes? Man! Whatever. I dry my hair most of the time now. For a long time all the getting ready stuff seemed like wasted time because I had SO MUCH to do…ALWAYS. Now? Well, it sort of feels like decorating my soul so I can dance on through that list in a twirling joyful sort of way.
What in the world does this have to do with anything? Including that picture up there? I’ll tell you…it’s about doing what I love, me, my daughter, the holiday season, and a longing for something more.
I LOVE that picture of me. The texture. The color. The silhouette. My sprig and wisps of hair are just recognizable of my mid-project hairdo. I love that my face is not there…just a shadow of me and my art. It brings me joy and fills me up and I think that adds more to my smile than anything I put on my lips.
When I met my baby girl, she was 4 years old. Talk about bringing me joy and filling me up? She smiles and lights up the room. Her chocolate eyes, perky cocoa puff on top, and this beautiful skin that makes every color she wears look like it was made just for her. Never in a million years would I have guessed that my beautiful girl would look in the mirror and not like what she found. We are in middle school now. It is hard to not want to be like everyone else I think…to trust that you really are fearfully and wonderfully made just exactly as you were intended to be. Telling her she is pretty is not enough. Feeling pretty with adornments isn’t enough either.
It was an errand for her that sent me off to the stores. I was met with the chaos of the holiday season and I was so overwhelmed I just wanted to run right back out. It was loud and crowded and just felt wrong. It felt like I was surrounded by pretty adornments that were missing the point. I love Christmas music, holiday lights, days and days of average holiday movies…where is my holiday spirit??? I think what I have come to is that sparkle and pretty just isn’t enough.
I want more.
I want that deep down beautiful that comes straight from your soul and shines in all that you do and connects with everyone you meet in a real and present way. I want that for me, for her, for you if you’d like, and all through this season of gratitude and good cheer.
Time to choose to shine I think.
Peace, love, and beautiful connections,