Pretty Amazing Grace

unmerited favor…

As I count my blessings, this concept strikes me quite often.

When I am so frustrated that gritting my teeth is painful, the mantra “what they NEED, not what they DESERVE” gives me a window of breathing room.  Of course, the idea that I know just what someone “deserves” would point back to my judging problem, but there you go!

I am so very grateful for my new walking friend.  The benefits just keep layering one on top of another.  Yesterday, I was talking about one life stress and another…and my friend commented on my matter of fact calm about it all.  These words she chose led me right to another gift in my life…one I hadn’t realized quite in this way.  I started to tell her that my body just didn’t “allow” me to fret…that because of fibromyalgia, physical stress causes my body to shut down a bit.  It was more than that though; I realized that much was put in perspective for me when the kids’ baby sister died three years ago.  Witnessing the horror of mortality, and realizing how very little control we actually have during our time here really put things in perspective for me.

If I were to choose, of course I would rather not have blessings come wrapped in sadness, but it is not for me to choose.  That horrible moment left in it’s wake this sense of peace and serenity that I would not otherwise have. 

I think it also allows me to more fully appreciate and revel in my children (crazy as things get).  I know children are not meant to be ours forever, so I soak up every moment I am given; this unmerited favor, and just enjoy.  Somewhere in the enjoyment, there is usually a time out, spill, or battle…but that’s just life in the big city;)

Pretty amazing.

About attraversiamodarmaz

Midwestern girl who loves big city shopping (note - do not love high heels of any kind) * hate to say that first because I fancy myself a yoga chic too who is into feng shui and a minimalist life but it's just not all true!* I do forget to recycle* LOVE reading and music and most things crafty (the idea of them - very fickle and creative urges come and go faster than light or sound)* Grand chef and baker in my own mind and kitchen - love to mix and match recipes for a glorious new concoction* Gardening would be very successful - I have a flair but short attention span can cause casualties* True bliss is my home filled with three beautiful children (four on the weekends - an amazing Goddaughter)* did forget to feed the beautiful children lunch once when they were too small to remind me* can't find socks for all on some crazy mornings* I'm a learner who just can't help it...a writer in my head, and a college instructor for a half dozen classes a year* can't help my right brain optimism* been a foster mom* am a very grateful mom of adopted children* worst life moment: leaving the E.R. with an empty baby carrier* this is me...pretty much
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