I just sputter…I laugh verging on that scary crazy laugh…and I stare and try to process…is he serious??? He is doing this intentionally I think…how can that be because he is only 5??? He’s pushing Mommy round the bend!!! Not sure how to describe it, so I’ll just scribe the last 10 minutes…
(repeat 5 more times – no lie!)
Me: (finally) WHAT MC???
MC: why are you so cranky…now I forgot!
me: okay, well let me know when you remember…
(we have an intermission, because apparently the little vignette is still going on and now I have to fall of my chair and laugh or cry!!!)
(okay – I’m back)
MC: can you help me find my grumble grumble
me: your what?
MC: my bhnmmm
me: one more time
MC: MY BOAT MOMMY MY INVISIBLE BOAT!!! CAN YOU HELP ME FIND IT!!! I JUST KNOW SOMEONE WILL RUN INTO IT!
me: OH, your boat..well, how big is it?
MC: as big as your Land Rover…
me: okay, well where did you park it?
MC: on the street
me: oh no! Invisible boats always get hit on the street! You should move it!(why did I say this???)
MC: I know! I can’t find my invisible keys
me: oh jeesh MC, I have trouble with real keys…
(seriously – Mr.Z needs help finding keys A LOT, and NOW I have to look for invisible keys???)
MC: please help me find them…
me: well, let’s see…where do you think you left them?
MC: IF I KNEW THAT…(his dad says that too!)
me: okay, okay…are these invisible invisible, or can we really see them?
MC: Jeez Mommy! If we couldn’t see them, how could we find them?! It is the boat that is invisible! The keys for the invisible boat ARE NOT invisible!
MC: and did you make me toast? you said you would make me toast?
me: Do you want me to make toast or look for keys?
MC: grumble grumble!
me: MC, the toast is ready
MC: I can’t eat until I find my keys! The boat will get crashed into! (Jesus, Mary, AND JOSEPH!!!)
me:whatever – the toast is here and I have to get back to writing and cleaning before the cable guy gets here –
MC:What is this??? This is not the toast you made for CNN and BB! This is burnt! It is hard and brown!
me:no, that is the cinnamon…the toast CNN and BB had was just like that!
MC: takes a bite and wails, then tosses it to the table…see??hard! runs out of room crying…room door slammed
and so it goes…MC has now fed said burnt toast to the dogs and was trying to make his own when he was escorted from the kitchen where he could wait until he was ready to silently eat the peanut butter sandwich waiting on the table…we eat a lot of peanut butter sandwiches around here…it is the alternative when you don’t like the special of the day!
He also let me know that because I burnt his toast I DO have to help him find his keys…by the by…the lab just ate half his peanut butter sandwich, which I’m sure will send him round the bend again:) ahhhh weeeellll!
Is it wrong to hide from a 5 year old, you know…if you don’t really leave the house and leave them alone? All sharp things are up high…
He is so wonderful and brilliant that he just stresses himelf out every 3 seconds or so…like a grouchy old man
a few minutes from now Mr.Z will be back from the gym with CNN and BB and wonder why I couldn’t just do what his brilliant little guy asked and help him find his keys and buy a new toast for crying out loud! that toaster is terrible!
And they wonder why I daydream and “check out”!
“here we go loop de loo….here we go loop de lie…Mommy goes round the bend…all on a Saturday night!!!”
The music is about to get good and loud – I’ll rock ’em all out of here:) (my children and Mr.Z are forever telling me to turn down the music…can you believe that???)
heh heh heh
p.s. ( he just noticed the missing sandwich half and life is a bowl of rotten bananas for another minute…I’m off to the stereo:) )