My foster daughter

I am so grateful that MJ has continued to be a part of our lives.  There is a price for the joy though.  She will be two in about a month, and I think as she gets older it might get a bit more complicated…for some time now, when we take her home after her 24 hours at our house…it’s not that she’s scared or doesn’t want to see them, she just glares at us or looks at the floor…mad that we are leaving her.  It is just heartbreaking!  I tell her, “I’ll see you in 6 days!!” but she doesn’t understand.  I wonder if she thinks that I am the one who gave her up…who made a choice and let her go to another family…

I know she is loved by many surrounding her…that love just plays out differently.  The life surrounding her there seems more tenuous…temporary…a crisis could come anytime and children just ride the wave.  I wonder if I have come between she and her mother…I hope not.  I think a lot of her mom and consider her a friend.  We are different in our approach to motherhood.  I enjoy all the family gathered there whenever we stop by.  I regret that my children do not experience that.

When MJ is preschool age, I am going to offer that she stay here during the school week, as the schools are better.  Mr. Z says her mom will not go for that.  It’s okay if she doesn’t…I will offer all the same.  She just has so much on her shoulders all the time…she’s a caretaker to many and primarily responsible for the bills.  I wonder if given an out…a reprieve with a good excuse…if she might come out from under a bit of that responsibility.  I’ll offer…

I knew it wouldn’t be easy.  The boys are sometimes frustrated when she is here.  They say this is not her home and she is not a part of our family and she wants all my attention.  We just talk about how she is a part of our family and how much she loves us and loves coming here.  It is getting better now that she’s big enough to play with them more and show them love and attention.

Following your guided path is an interesting journey and often makes no sense to anyone around you:)

Have a beautiful Thursday!

(I reread this and the flow or lack there of sounds a bit mechanical…but that is really the way my thoughts flow on this overwhelming issue – mechanically so as not to be swept away)

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About attraversiamodarmaz

Midwestern girl who loves big city shopping (note - do not love high heels of any kind) * hate to say that first because I fancy myself a yoga chic too who is into feng shui and a minimalist life but it's just not all true!* I do forget to recycle* LOVE reading and music and most things crafty (the idea of them - very fickle and creative urges come and go faster than light or sound)* Grand chef and baker in my own mind and kitchen - love to mix and match recipes for a glorious new concoction* Gardening would be very successful - I have a flair but short attention span can cause casualties* True bliss is my home filled with three beautiful children (four on the weekends - an amazing Goddaughter)* did forget to feed the beautiful children lunch once when they were too small to remind me* can't find socks for all on some crazy mornings* I'm a learner who just can't help it...a writer in my head, and a college instructor for a half dozen classes a year* can't help my right brain optimism* been a foster mom* am a very grateful mom of adopted children* worst life moment: leaving the E.R. with an empty baby carrier* this is me...pretty much
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One Response to My foster daughter

  1. Mom says:

    MJ is a lucky little girl to have MY little girl/wonderful young woman, in her life. And…you just keep on raising me/educating me, daughter of mine, each and every day. I love you.

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